


Gone

by enigmaticma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22523377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticma/pseuds/enigmaticma
Summary: Sehun loved Minseok for the longest he could remember yet had no courage or chance to see that love blossom into something else.
Relationships: Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Oh Sehun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 252  
>  **Prompt:** A has always been in love with B. However, B marries someone else, has a kid, and dies. In his will, B leaves the care of B's child to A. B also confesses that he's always loved A.  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Xiumin / Sehun  
>  **Side Character(s):** Baekhyun  
>  **Word count:** 5008  
>  **Warning(s):** Character's death  
>  **Author's note:** I want to thank my beta for her extreeeeeemely good work

Minseok and Sehun were neighbors for as long as they could remember. Sehun could recall Minseok walking him to preschool, primary, and middle school, until the second year when Minseok graduated high school. Minseok went to the military for two years, which gave Sehun hope to pick up the pace and join the same university as him, as soon as Minseok’s service was over.

Which he did, skipping two years to graduate early and joining the university to which Minseok applied a year prior. It was one of the happiest moments of his life and Minseok smiled happily at his excitement.

What Sehun didn't expect was to see Minseok with a girlfriend. He still acted normal but the relationship made Sehun realize he had deep feelings for Minseok, perhaps the entire time, only to never have them reciprocated. It did put him in a bad place for a while, but he still managed to hide it from Minseok.

He had to.

"Don't you plan to date, Sehun ah?" Minseok asked him one Friday night in the weekly hangout they started since Sehun joined the university and Sehun nearly scoffed outright. His hyung had no idea how much he wished he could date him. He just shook his head and kept quiet much to Minseok's dismay. He let go of his girlfriend and held Sehun's hands, "Sehun, you can't isolate yourself like this. You have no friends besides me, never had a girlfriend and you barely leave my side…"

"You are my best friend, hyung." Sehun glared at him, hurt written all over his face, continuing, "You know I am not the most social person on the planet. You knew since I was five or six, hyung, and when did I ever have a friend beside you?" Sehun was tempted to explode at his face that he loved his hyung so much he didn't need anyone else.

Minseok nodded, pouting. "I know," he whined which melted Sehun's anger like a handful of snow under the sun, "I just want you to be happy."

Sehun realized then Minseok could feel his depressive state and he smiled. "I am sorry if I made you feel that I am unhappy. I am not, hyung." He pulled Minseok to a hug. "Thank you for caring about me." Minseok just hugged him back, tightening his hold on him.

The next few days, Sehun tried to befriend someone. For Minseok's happiness, he would try to have a friend, which was easy as it seemed most kids in his class thought he was cool. He first befriended a man named Baekhyun, who Minseok liked instantly. He was a good conversationalist and fun to be with. 

He made Sehun chuckle many times which was what put him in Minseok's good books. Sehun was glad and happy to have Baekhyun as friend.

One Friday night, just as they watched Minseok walk his girlfriend back home, Baekhyun asked Sehun out. 

Sehun didn't truly think that it was a date, but once he saw Baekhyun, dressed up and nervous, he realized it meant more for Baekhyun. He was tempted to run from the implication of interest his mere presence gave Baekhyun, but he refused to hurt such a great friend out of cowardice. 

It was enough that he was in pain, in his mind, but didn’t know how to make things easier for both of them. Should he end it nicely? Wait until Baekhyun breaks things off? He had no idea. 

So he went on that date, drinking with a soft smile, despite his serious expression which mirrored the internal dilemma he had inside. "The date sucks, isn't it?" Baekhyun mumbled as the food was gone.

"No, the fact I didn't realize you were interested in me had taken me by surprise and I am trying to figure out what to say," Sehun admitted and Baekhyun paled instantly, "and what I mean is that I did not expect it, but I enjoyed the date. I enjoy spending time with you."

Baekhyun blushed and played with his chopsticks, avoiding Sehun's eyes. "I can sense a ‘but’ coming."

Sehun sighed and lifted the shorter man’s chin up so that Baekhyun would look in his eyes, "I am in love with someone else, Baekhyun hyung. A straight man." Baekhyun paled again and looked at Sehun with wide eyes. "It hurts," he realized his voice broke and his eyes watered so he swallowed it down before adding, "I don't want you to be hurt too."

Baekhyun remained silent for a while before smiling, "I will still try and get you to see there are reasons to be happy out there, Sehun. You are a great man to be with and I am selfish enough to try."

Sehun was surprised and laughed at Baekhyun's determined will to make him happier. Sehun’s adorable laughter became Baekhyun's favorite thing that day.

They eventually dated properly, and Minseok looked shocked at first, as if he didn’t expect Sehun to have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, which what Sehun judged his shock for, but treated neither Sehun nor Baekhyun any differently. Sehun was hurt by the indifference that followed, he didn’t know what he expected Minseok to do, truthfully, and tried to use Baekhyun as an excuse to avoid Minseok aside from their hangouts, every Friday night. 

However, Minseok seemed to get sadder every passing Friday and even if he promised it was the exams, Sehun was worried. He tried to cheer him up the best way his heart could allow. One of the times they met, neither of them brought their dates, out of pure coincidence. Minseok looked at him in surprise as he got in the usual karaoke booth alone, "Baekhyun didn't come?"

"No, he has an assignment due." Sehun sat by his side and faced him with a smile. "Your girlfriend?"

"She has been sick for days," Minseok commented with a sigh as he clicked on the order touch screen to get beers and meat.

Sehun observed him for a while, worried, and held Minseok’s hand as he started scrolling aimlessly, "Hyung," the man looked at him with his curious cat eyes, blinking cutely at him, "you are unhappy lately."

Surprised it was more of a statement than a question, Minseok looked away. He remained silent for a long while and Sehun kept quiet waiting, as he knew well enough that Minseok never liked to be pushed. He took his time, looking more serious and sad he considered what to say. He softly admitted, "I am," he looked at Sehun, running his fingers on Sehun's forehead to push some hair Sehun wasn’t even bothered by.

Sehun frowned. "Why?" Minseok smiled softly and leaned to melt into a hug, "What is it, hyung?"

"I missed you," Sehun stiffened in shock but soon melted as he tightened his hug, "a lot."

"I missed you too, hyung," Sehun was never that happy, "I am sorry that I have been so absent. I will put in more effort."

"No." With written sadness in his eyes, Minseok looked up and held the younger’s cheek, his expression morphing into a studying one. Sehun could tell he was thinking deeply but Minseok surely won’t voice his thoughts out. "you don't have to, Sehun."

Inching closer, Sehun leaned into the touch. It was such an awkward position for his long body to match Minseok’s petite frame in that make-belief embrace but he didn’t care, still melting into it. "I want to." Minseok beamed and the dinner went into a happier mood. Sehun treated him like a boyfriend. He even dared to kiss his cheek as he walked him back to his apartment, with a cheerful "See you tomorrow, hyung."

Minseok blushed madly, as he waved and got into his building. Sehun ran back home happily. 

The year ended almost like that. Baekhyun and he were so neck deep into their relationship that he moved in Baekhyun’s small studio. Still, Sehun loved Minseok to the core, despite his efforts while his love interest casually lived his life and graduated. 

However, Sehun wasn't expecting a wedding, which only broke the little hope he had. As he applied for his military service, Minseok announced his engagement on one of their Friday nights out. Sehun wanted to be happy for his hyung’s happiness, he wanted to be as happy as a best friend should be, but he simply started shedding tears, agonizing pain was tearing inside his heart so badly he started feeling it all over his body. Minseok had an odd expression when he saw Sehun cry but soon beamed, making Sehun glad Minseok was so clueless about his feelings. "Aw, Sehun ah, you will always be my baby brother. Don't cry." The man said ruffling his hair teasingly

Sehun's mind ran miles to find excuses, "I will be in the army and probably miss the whole process," Sehun hugged Minseok, hiding his face so he could agonize away from their eyes. He didn’t care if his voice broke severely at that point. "You aren’t being fair, hyung. It’s so unfair." He sobbed into the hug as silently as possible while Baekhyun and Minseok teased him. Sehun hugged Jiyong, Minseok’s girlfriend, who was shocked as Sehun never spoke more than two words to her. "Send me tons of pictures, okay?"

"Okay," she blushed madly, genuine happiness sparkling in her face. Sehun leaned back, holding onto Baekhyun, as his tears ran down. He said nothing else for the remaining of their hangout. 

Baekhyun didn't say a thing to him, smiling sympathetically as he left him alone in their bedroom. He cried into his hands for what seemed like hours before forcing himself to shower and change for bed. Baekhyun joined him and ran his long soft fingers through his hair, comforting Sehun the best he could without saying much. Baekhyun knew he couldn’t do much else at that point. "I am sorry I couldn't protect you from the pain."

Sehun could only allow Baekhyun to baby him. He went for his service without alerting anyone, except Baekhyun, and tried the best he could not think of Minseok. He tried and failed so miserably. 

So it wasn’t a surprise that Baekhyun and he broke up just days before the wedding. Sehun had a day off to see his family and Baekhyun was there to take him for a brunch in Baekhyun’s favorite restaurant. “I can’t go on like this, Hun,” Baekhyun announced after a heavy silence, as Sehun was too lifeless to be himself or even act as if he was. Baekhyun seemed determined, resigned, and ready to move on with his life which Sehun envied totally. “I want to feel loved, you know. I want to be someone’s Minseok too.” 

Sehun nodded, even if his eyes welled up with tears. He knew Baekhyun deserved more. He always did. “I know. I am sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Baekhyun held his hand. “I was happy with you, completely. I just envied Minseok for having you so madly in love with him while nobody loved me that way.” Sehun nodded, forcing a smile.

“I bet there is someone who already loves you so deeply but you haven’t noticed while being with me.” Baekhyun shot him a surprised look before thinking of it. “Just give people around you some time and space to approach you, you will be surprised. If you don’t find love, I am still here. I am still offering my friendship, hyung.” 

Baekhyun smiled in relief, “Thank you.” 

What Baekhyun didn’t realize was how lonely Sehun felt when he walked out of the restaurant that day. It was such a heavy weight that he had lost the power to smile ever since. 

He didn’t try to contact Minseok since his military service began and hoped it would ease the pain. Yet, six years through, and he was still madly in love with the man. It was so painful that he worked three shifts in different locations as a waiter, bartender and preschool teacher, slept as little as possible, ate on bus rides, lived alone in a small studio, and barely smiled to his own family. It was a nightmarish life and it didn’t seem likely to end anytime soon.

However, in a particularly cold evening , a familiar voice called his name. “Sehun?”

He lifted his head from the table he was wiping, as he was a waiter between two and eight pm, and noticed Minseok standing there. The man was standing alone, with a bag in one hand and his jacket in the other. “Is that really you?” The disbelief and longing in Minseok’s voice was as clear as the tears in the short man’s eyes. Sehun didn’t know why he felt his eyes sting too but soon realized he was sobbing. “Sehun ah.” Minseok hugged him suddenly, ignoring the curious public. “I missed you so much.” 

“Hyung…” Sehun tightened his hold on Minseok, his heart screaming in agony. “I missed you so much, hyung.” He softly freed himself from the hug, trying to hold himself from breaking down, “Sit! What can I serve you hyung?” 

“You work here?” Sehun nodded and Minseok brightened up to the news, “I just got a new job in the company from across the street, we will see each other often.” 

Sehun’s heart agonized more. It meant he was going to live the torture again. “I am glad, hyung. I truly missed you.” 

“Get me a cup of good coffee and come sit with me,” Minseok offered but Sehun only served him coffee as his shift was still on till eight. Except, then Minseok promised to wait. “I missed you too, Sehun ah.”

Sehun called in sick for his third job, thanking the manager of the bar before focusing on ending his shift. He planned on taking Minseok to dinner somewhere and catching up. As he eyed the man from time to time, he realized that Minseok aged nicely. The man had a few wrinkles around his eyes but nothing too obvious. He still looked as if time forgot him ten years ago, cutely enjoying his cup of coffee. On the other hand, Sehun looked like he aged more the second Minseok showed up again.

As his shift was over, Sehun had to hold onto something.

When he changed his clothes in the staff room, tears streamed down his cheeks as his mind was a rumble. 

Nothing made sense. 

He missed Minseok so hard it did tear his heart into pieces to see him so close yet so far again, just how he knew it would happen. 

“Hyung,” he looked up to meet Taeyong, a waiter who worked with him for the longest, “Are you okay?” Sehun nodded smiling a little as he dried his cheeks, surprising the younger and walked out as he fixed his attire. He joined Minseok who brightened up like a little kid. 

“How are you, hyung? How is your wife?” Minseok’s expression fell for a moment but still spoke animatedly. He even showed Sehun pictures of his four year old son. A complete replica of his father. “He is as beautiful as you are, hyung. But you are still the cutest.” Minseok blushed but complained Sehun was biased because his baby was an angel then he diverted the discussion toward Sehun’s jobs.

The man offered him to eat dinner in his place. “My wife and son are with her mother, so it will be just me and you. We can have our beer nights like we did in college! Let’s go.” Sehun chuckled and followed Minseok obediently. He did pay for the beers and followed Minseok to the surprisingly messy house. “Sorry, I barely get time to clean up.” Minseok mumbled as he picked up the mess of clothes around.

“Do you want me to help? I got very good at fixing messes, hyung.” Minseok chuckled and Sehun managed to convince him. After a quick cleaning, Minseok ushered him to sit down and rest. Sehun could see Minseok work in the kitchen area and imagined for a second that Minseok and he were together, living like a couple.

Annoyed by his silly imagination, Sehun made his way to Minseok just to stop fantasizing things. “Do you need any help?”

“No, I am fine.” Minseok looked at him and smiled. “You grew taller?” Sehun was standing right behind him, radiating heat that made Minseok lean into his chest.

Sehun forced a smile to mirror Minseok’s, stricken by how he missed Minseok’s touches. “Maybe you grew shorter.” Minseok pouted. “Or maybe I am wrong,” Sehun chuckled as Minseok wrinkled his nose at him. “You didn’t change much, hyung.” 

“But you did,” Turning the stoves off, Minseok looked up with distant expressions, studying Sehun’s face with a foreign emotion, before looking away and picking plates. “You grew up a lot, Sehun ah.” 

Sehun frowned at the remark. He suddenly felt alien in his own skin. What did Minseok see different about him to say that? He had no idea. He was still hopelessly in love with the man, just as he was before college. He didn’t want to ignore Minseok though so he nodded, “Life does things to you, hyung. I can’t help it.” 

“True.” Minseok served them in the dining table and they ate, speaking animatedly again about how much their interests have changed during the years, from their music taste to their fashion choices. 

“The only thing I am sure never changed was how much I love you, hyung.” Sehun regretted it as soon as it left his lips. He was already done with his fourth beer, tipsy enough to lose control but not drunk enough to be prepared for his confession. Minseok looked at him with wide eyes before he started tearing up, “Hyung…” 

“I know.” Minseok’s voice was filled with emotions that made Sehun feel suddenly warm and alive. Minseok had a tone of acceptance, admitting with those two words that he knowledged Sehun’s love. He wasn’t surprised Minseok knew. Baekhyun told him he wore his love for Minseok so openly that only a blind man couldn’t see it. He was happy Minseok wasn’t blind but also anxious to know Minseok’s feelings about it. He didn’t think he would hear a categorical rejection. “I wish things were different, Sehun.” 

Sehun felt the reality crush back. He blinked several times to fight the sudden shock he felt. What did he truly expect? Minseok was married. He had no hope. He had never had any. “Yeah, but it is okay hyung.” Looking up from his beer to his old friend, Sehun noticed that Minseok hadn’t touched the food. In fact, Minseok was fully shedding tears, distress and guilt written on his face. Sehun felt the pain inside him intensify when Minseok said nothing for a while, looking to be in as much pain and just as lost. 

“I should go home now.” Sehun announced with a smile, trying to create a semblance of normalcy as the pain grew in his chest, “I am working tomorrow.” Sensing that he will he lose control if he stayed any longer, he stood to pick up his jacket and looked at Minseok who remained seated, obviously deep in thought, still shedding tears. “I will be in the coffee shop whenever you want to talk to me.” 

Minseok nodded but said nothing, eyes locked on the full plate in front of him, thinking deeply enough to not hear the agony that layered Sehun’s voice. After a moment as Sehun waited for something, anything, to hold him from leaving, he walked out of the apartment, then ran down the staircase as if he was being chased by demons only to sit in the pavement. His body was feeling the torture his heart was suffering and neither his lungs nor his legs could take it. He was sobbing as silently as he could, wincing in pain, unable to breathe. 

“Fuck, it hurts!” Sehun growled at himself, awkwardly hitting his chest above the heart. “Stop hurting, please.” He remained flat on the ground sobbing, “Please. It hurts, please.” It took him a lot to go home and even more to survive that night.

But he did. He went on with his life normally and Minseok visited him a week later, surprising him by bringing his son along. Sehun tried not to act upon his pain so he smiled and played with the little Jonghyun until the kid warmed up to him. As the kid slept in Minseok’s arms, he and Sehun looked into each other’s eyes and pain flashed in their eyes. “Can I have your number?” Minseok asked hesitantly to which Sehun nodded. He gave Minseok his number without thinking much more about it. 

He waited for a text or a call but it never came. In fact, Minseok never showed up and after two weeks, a familiar old woman walked inside the coffee shop holding a familiar four-year-old baby. “Auntie Mi?” Sehun’s voice came as broken as his will, but he had to look at her. 

The woman was none other than Minseok’s mother, “Hi, Sehun ah. It had been a while since I last saw you.” Sehun nodded taking the woman to an empty table. She did set Jonghyun down and looked at Sehun kindly, despite how much heartbreak and grief her eyes conveyed. “Can you sit down, please?” Sehun looked at his manager asking for a 30 minutes break before sitting down. “I don’t know how to say this.” She fidgeted as she said so, raising a sudden acidic worry in Sehun’s gut.

“What is it, Auntie? Where is Minseok hyung?” The woman teared up as soon as he said his name, making Sehun realize something happened to Minseok and she had no power to voice it out. He knew how little the woman spoke generally, especially in her life’s toughest moments, so her struggles right then to not make a scene in public said more than it should and Sehun could feel his own composure slip. 

Aunt Mi yong was more of a physical person, showing her love and emotions through gestures. So he knew she was in pain when she stopped trying to pronounce whatever news he had to hear.

She picked up her purse from the table and gave him an envelope that shook terribly in her hand. “Minseok had made his will as soon as Jonghyun was born.”  _ Will? _ Sehun was confused beyond measure and she didn’t seem to read that despite how open his expression was. “He,” she paused to breathe, blinking the tears away and continued, “He wanted you to be named godfather,” Sehun felt like someone stabbed him in the heart, but she still didn’t notice, “and have legal custody of Jonghyun after his death.” 

“Death?” Sehun startled and looked up with disbelief from the sealed envelope, his heart racing, and tried to read her expression until she started sobbing, no longer able to keep her composure. “What do you mean?” Sehun was suddenly lost. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard and saw. 

“Two weeks ago, my baby had an accident.” She grieved. “He was in the car with his wife and,” she sniffed, hiccuping in pain, “my Minseokie got hit by a truck and,” Sehun’s heart exploded in agony and he had to hold onto the table. “They died instantly, leaving the poor Jonghyunnie behind.” 

“No,” Sehun stood, tears already falling down his burning yet pale cheeks. “You are lying. Please say you are lying. Hyung can’t be dead.” He was livid, shaking.

“I am so sorry,” she sobbed and Sehun nearly fainted, unable to breathe or think or even function. Thankfully, the other waiters seemed to notice the commotion and rushed to help him sit back down, trying to figure out what happened, but he couldn’t answer their questions. He remained silent as the woman stood to dry his tears, “I couldn’t tell you when it happened. I know how much Minseok meant to you.” 

Sehun was tempted to scream at her that she had no idea, but he felt his chest tighten further as a knot grew in his throat, redeeming him silent and he held onto Taeyong who was holding him without saying a word, hyperventilating, shaking in pain and about to lose his sanity. A small hand on his lap made him look to Jonghyun who opened his arms, asking to be lifted. Sehun picked him up and sobbed resting his cheek on the kid’s head, he sobbed so loudly that the manager took pity on him and gave him the afternoon off to mourn back home. Sehun couldn’t care about that as he sobbed still sounding like knives were being twisted all over his body.

As soon as he calmed down enough to communicate, Minseok’s mother handed him Minseok’s house key, telling him that the life insurance had covered the remainder of its price so he could live with no worries and focus on Jonghyun. Sehun who wasn’t sobbing but still too lifeless to care, just nodded. Noticing his state, she decided that she would take care of Jonghyun until he get himself sorted. But legally, Jonghyun was his son to raise and she reminded it him of that before leaving with the boy.

He accepted the afternoon off the manager offered him yet had no power to leave, curling up in the staff room and crying harder each passing minute. “Hyung,” he looked up to see Taeyong, “this is yours.” It was the envelope he left behind so he took it, thanking the man miserably.

Minseok’s handwriting was like a new set of daggers twisting his lungs, he curled in pain, sobbing a little more before even having the power to read.

“My lovely Sehun,

If this letter reaches you then I am gone. Sadly, I don’t think I will ever have the courage to be honest with you alive. I have a lot to confess to you but before that, please take care of my son. I trust you to be kind and loving to him because I know how much you loved me, so all I ask is to give that love to him. 

I always knew how you felt about me but as the eldest of my family, accepting that love was out of question. That doesn’t mean I never loved you back.

No, I did love you.

So much, that it hurt to be with Jiyong and not you.

I wanted to take you on dates wherever your heart desires. Anywhere really. 

I want to cuddle with you at night just for the heck of it or better yet, I want have mind blowing sex with you every single time our hearts collide because I would be yours heart, body and soul. 

God, how I would die for us to have lazy Sundays, watching movies with mugs of hot cocoa in our hands, just curled in a blanket together all day. 

I would love to just fight over silly things with you, from the brand of noodles we have to take to where you misplaced socks, I don’t care I would have them all with you. 

Sehun ah, I want us to be free of those chains I wrapped myself with, pulling us apart, and be with you like I always dreamed of.

I envied Baekhyun a lot because he could have that and not me. I was jealous all the time, wishing I could just admit I am bisexual to you and tell you that I loved you since you were in middle school and that I had wet dreams of you since you joined college.

Speaking of wet dreams, I have something to confess. I had accidentally seen you naked in your first week in college, sorry about that, and it haunted me for months, if not years.” Sehun at that point didn’t know if he should be laughing or crying because Minseok sounded delirious and silly, but at the same time eager and sincere. 

“When Jonghyun was born, I was tempted to ask for divorce and look for you. I wanted to raise Jonghyun with you. In my eyes, I think I always considered him as our son, you and I, which is why I made you his godfather. I know you will make a great father. 

I think I cried a lot that night, holding the few hours old baby and pretending that you may get in anytime and smile to us. I would have ditched everybody and taken both him and you somewhere so we could be a family. I know it is silly and ridiculous, but I can dream, can’t I? It was all I could do at this point, dream. 

My wife knew how much I loved you, so it did hurt her feelings. Poor Jiyong tried to keep me by her side, the best she could. She admitted I moaned your name several times in my sleep, enough for her to start hating you despite how kind she treated you. I don’t blame her for that. Nor do I blame her for being so blind to my pain. 

I rambled, but the point is that I always loved you, Oh Sehun, and I’ll always love you. I hope that you will find the love and happiness you deserve.

Your stupid hyung, Kim Minseok.” 

Sehun folded the letter and looked at the picture attached of Minseok holding the baby Jonghyun. He turned it to see a caption in it. “Our son and I.”

Sehun didn’t know what to feel right then but he still reflexively smiled, “Our son is still not as cute as you, hyung.” He went on with his day, ready to live his life with the knowledge that the only true love of his life had left the world with a permanent reminder. 

Was it going to be a eternal torture? Was Sehun going to move on and feel happier someday? Only time could tell but right then, agony was an old friend.


End file.
